The other day, in the middle of an otherwise delightful chat, a person, who shall remain nameless to protect his poor judgement, chirped happily, “Wow! I bet it’s a relief not to have to worry about cancer anymore!”
In his defense, he knew I was off chemo and in his non-cancer damaged mind, he believed that meant I was finished with my cancer. Just like a Dentist fills a cavity-riddled mouth with a well-placed filling, a little chemo takes care of brain cancer, arthritis and any ovarian pain I may have. Right?
I wanted to say, “Well, I don’t worry every time the doctor takes (in my mind) too long to come back with the results of the scan. Oh, the other day I had a really bad headache that lasted longer than usual, so naturally I didn’t worry that my tumor had grown back. One more non-worry: I’m certainly not worried that if I miss a dose of my anti-seizure meds, I’ll have another seizure. Nope. Not worried about that at all. Just one more thing, I’m not worried about the reminder every time I look in the mirror and see what weeks of radiation and months of chemo did to my hair. I’m certainly not at all concerned with the fact that it may never grow back. Oh, just one more thing, I’m certainly not worried about the damage that chemo did to “my boys”, potentially eliminating my family from having another child.
Also, after I finish this post, I will continue working on my burial wishes, so clearly I’m not worried.
That’s what I wanted to say.
What I actually said was,
“Yes. Yes it is”
Diplomacy: Keeping others from feelings of guilt since 1927
Biting my tongue and keeping the faith